The Practice of Starting Over

Don't give up and keep moving forward.

When I published my last post in September 2024, I had no inclination that it would be almost 10 months before I published another essay. But time passes by and especially today, in our ultra-busy lives, time feels to have sped up, moving quicker than many of us have ever felt.

So before I knew it, almost a full year passed without a journal entry. I find it ironic that the last one I published in September 2024 considered different metrics for how to measure success in one’s life. And then, just like that, my success in publishing a regular journal came to a halt.

I’ve seen this sort of thing happen in my life at other times. Maybe I would set a goal of losing weight and I’d step on the scale and see that I’d lost 10 pounds. I’d quietly congratulate myself then lose my focus and, before I knew it, gain the weight back and have to start over.

Starting over. Think of the countless times in our lives we need to start something over, either from scratch or from where we previously left off. There are so many different examples. Maybe we start a project of some sort, lose interest for a period of time, and then want to start again. Maybe we start a diet or exercise program then stop watching what we eat or going to the gym. Maybe it’s restarting a commitment to a sober lifestyle.

Of course there are other “start overs” like beginning at a new school, a new job, a new relationship or rekindling an old one. While it’s important to consider how to face those, in this essay I’m focusing on the “start overs” that occur more frequently as a result of a loss of focus or commitment to an activity or goal we’ve set for ourselves. While these types of “start overs” might be more mundane or routine, addressing how to handle them is nevertheless important. That’s because these tend to happen more regularly and, therefore, can have a heavy impact on our outlook on life and whether we stand up to challenges we might face with tenacity and perseverance.

When we commit to doing some activity with a goal in mind, an underlying premise is to do that thing over and over again so that the action becomes more a habit, one that is engrained in our daily practices and routine. And in doing so, we work towards whatever goal we’ve set. The point of this mindset is to use discipline and structure to build a foundation of doing something so that it becomes habitual and routine to engage in that activity.

But of course, despite best intentions, it doesn’t always go as smoothly as I’ve described. At some point, maybe we lose focus, interest, energy, time or capacity and that activity we were once so committed to doing falls away, becomes more sporadic and eventually, might stop altogether. We miss a day, then two days, and soon, a week passes by and eventually not doing that activity becomes the pattern or habit.

Then what happens? If you’re like me, there may be questioning and self-doubt that rises up about our capabilities and whether we really have what it takes to accomplish what it is we set out to do. Maybe we feel regret, sadness or even fear of what it means to not see something through.

That’s what happened with this journal. In 2024, I really enjoyed writing this journal. I enjoyed sharing my thoughts with my subscribers and writing can be cathartic for me. Plus, I was getting positive feedback from readers, so it felt good to keep going.

I was in a groove. . . that is, until I wasn’t. I was writing and publishing on a near weekly basis. And then, suddenly, work got really busy. The time I spent writing each day, along with the energy and focus I used for my writing, got sucked up by other things. Despite how important the writing was to me, to be brutally honest, it became less of a priority for me to write and I placed doing other activities above my writing. I remember telling myself to maybe take a few days off, a week or two tops, and then get back at it.

And then, in the virtual blink of an eye, ten months passed. Ten months of not publishing a single thing. During this time I even had more people subscribe to my journal and others reach out asking when they could expect my next essay. And yet, I still didn't publish a single one. And trust me, there were times when the self-criticism was harsh. Upon reflection, I think part of the fuel for the criticism was setting such high expectations for myself to publish essays so frequently. And when I couldn't keep up, I gave up. Again, being brutally honest, I think I made the voluntary decision to stop writing to avoid admitting to myself that I wasn’t meeting my own expectations. So yeah, safe to say that things aren’t always neat and well packaged and my life is not always the most structured or disciplined. So my writing sat stagnant. Nothing getting done, just stalled.

So what then?

I finally made the decision to start over. To just stop hemming and hawing and just do it. To start again, with this essay.

I’m sure many of us have so many different examples of things we’ve needed to start over. And when we are faced with the decision to begin it again, there are likely several questions that rise up: Do I really want to start again what I already was unable to complete? What’s starting over going to feel like? Do I have what it takes to see it through this time? Am I just a quitter?

The reality is that starting over takes inner fortitude. It takes belief that we have what it takes to set towards our goal and get done what needs to get done. At the same time, I think it’s important to acknowledge where we fell short. In doing so, we are able to pick ourselves up where we left off and we start again. We just shouldn't sit and dwell on our prior shortfall or “failure.” Why? Because it was not a failure.

After all, life is a practice. We should expect to make mistakes because every single person does. As the saying goes, mistakes aren’t failures, they are opportunities to learn. And we are learning as we go.

As part of that learning process, and as we ready ourselves to start over, I think it’s important to explore why we stopped in the first place. Was the activity too hard? Did we set too big a goal? Maybe we got bored or wanted to put energy and time into something new. We should do some inner exploration with an open mind to see the universe of potential reasons behind why we stopped moving towards our goal.

We should then remind ourselves that those reasons why we came up short are transient and not permanent. I mean if you are thinking about wanting to start fresh and start over, then the reasons why you stopped must no longer have sway over the current version of who you are. And that is good to understand, because each of us, and the circumstances surrounding each of us, are always changing. Nothing is stagnant, even if we feel that way, because even those feelings associated with the concept of “being stagnant” are not permanent. No matter how long they last or deep they feel in any specific moment, they will not last forever.

For that very reason, we shouldn’t allow ourselves to wallow in pity or anger for coming up short in our prior attempts. It’s okay to feel, or bear witness to, those feelings associated with our disappointment. Because that can certainly help fuel the fire of our motivation to start again and move forward. But we shouldn't cling to those feelings, let them simmer or let them hold us back and define our present identity. Feelings are not who we are. Rather, they are simply what we feel or what emotions we associate with certain events. We should just own what happened then start over and move forward.

Start again. One day, then two, then three. Keep plugging along and soon, a string of days have built up and slowly, through our re-invigorated commitment and discipline, we’ve adopted a new habit. And we just keep going.

And what happens when you inevitably stop doing something or come up short? Start again.

There’s a saying in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (and I’m sure other martial arts as well) that a black belt is simply a white belt who didn’t quit. It wasn’t until I was in my 7th year of training that I finally began to believe this message. It doesn’t mean no breaks or no time off. It means to keep showing up and keep putting in the work. I will travel my own journey on my own timeline, and eventually, I will accomplish what it is that I’ve set out to do.

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s about pacing ourselves, putting forth the effort, and showing up as best we can. And if we take some time away from whatever activity we’re doing, it’s okay. Just start again. But whatever you do, don’t give up. Just don’t give up.

As I re-engage in my writing practice and start over publishing these essays, hopefully you’ll enjoy what you read and stick with me.

Be well.