Earn Your Reputation Every Day

It's not about what others think, but how we choose to engage.

As a lawyer and also a former paramedic and volunteer firefighter, I’m often asked by fire, EMS and police departments to give presentations to their personnel. The specific topics vary, but the general themes of those talks mostly deal with navigating legal issues first responders might face, as well as discussing leadership principles that can help improve department morale and overall quality of response.

After discussing certain scenarios that have an increased chance of exposing a first responder and their department to potential legal troubles, I provide a “toolkit” for how to address and approach those scenarios. It is a checklist of ways to limit a department’s potential legal exposure.

One of the principles I discuss in every presentation is “earn your reputation every day.” I often discuss this concept in the context of how we can work to improve and become better as first responders. It is about adopting the mentality that we earn our reputation on every call we respond to and every interaction we have.

Almost every time as I introduce this principle and look at the attendees, I see the same reactions of skepticism and confusion. “What’s this got to do with avoiding legal snags as a law enforcement officer/EMS provider/firefighter?” As I go on to explain to the audience: everything.

Let’s start with the premise that every single interaction we have: whether it is with our spouse/partner, children, friends, co-workers, supervisors/bosses, or even strangers, is an opportunity to show both to ourselves and to others who we are and how we are showing up in that specific interaction. It is an opportunity to apply lessons we might have learned from a prior, similar interaction or situation such that we engage in the current situation with more wisdom or more attentiveness than the last time we encountered the similar circumstance.

From a professional standpoint, this mindset gives us an internal shift in perspective that allows us to handle each 911 call or professional interaction with a feeling that we are here, now, to put our best effort forward, regardless of what’s happened earlier in the day or shift, or regardless of what mistakes we may have made previously. We have the mindset to start fresh and to build upon our past experiences. It helps shift our perspective to the mindset that each interaction is a chance to start from scratch and that we have this present opportunity to show to ourselves and others our level of competency, commitment, integrity or even compassion.

From a personal relationship standpoint, the same holds true. Some years ago, I created a personal ethos or mission statement that I review each day. It sets forth the guiding principles that I strive to follow and use as I navigate life’s challenges and my personal interactions throughout the day. One part of this ethos or mission statement is that each day, I will strive to earn the love and respect of my wife and children, as well as the respect of all those with whom I interact.

This is another way of saying that I strive to earn my reputation every day. In every encounter I have, in every decision I make: as a lawyer, first responder, husband, dad, friend or jiu jitsu training partner. It is a reminder that I have a new chance to earn and define my reputation to myself and others. What choices I make, and how I approach any given moment or interaction is all up to me and in my control. And how I handle those decisions, conversations or problems are my opportunities to define how I will be seen and remembered. Because after all, we never truly know if any given moment is going to be our last.

This even holds true for those situations or relationships where we may have lots of habitual emotions, thoughts and opinions affecting how certain decisions are made. An example for me are choices I make when it comes to food. There was a time when I would mindlessly grab for unhealthy snack foods throughout the day when I was hungry, stressed, or just plain bored. I had myself convinced that because I was active and exercised multiple days each week, that I was healthy, strong and fit, even at 285 pounds.

Then, in 2021, I made the decision to live an alcohol-free and a primarily whole food, plant-based lifestyle. At that time, I was someone who enjoyed occasional beers and manhattans. I was also someone who ate meat with most meals: fish, chicken and red meat were a major part of my diet. However, toward the end of 2021, I faced a significant health challenge that, studies showed, was fueled by sugar and certain amino acids that existed in high quantities in meats and dairy products.

With that diagnosis, I had several choices to make. First, was how to deal with the acute issue: I could have a very invasive surgical procedure or I could have a much less invasive, localized procedure with fewer side effects and potential complications. While the less invasive, localized procedure seemed like a no-brainer, it did mean that the affected organ would remain intact. This meant the disease could regenerate and spread within and beyond the affected organ.

So, while choosing the less invasive procedure, I needed to make a decision about how to live my life moving forward in such a way as to minimize the chances of disease regeneration. I could continue to live my life “status quo” and let my food choices control me, or I could take control of my diet and substantially reduce the chances of reoccurrence. In other words, I could redefine my reputation as a person who controlled my diet and health rather than being controlled by them.

Almost 3 years later and nearly 70 pounds lighter, my wife and I often discuss how the health challenge helped save my life. It set me on the practice of how to earn my reputation as someone who takes control of their food choices and not the other way around.

Earning our reputation is a practice about choosing not to be complacent and not to think that prior failures or successes define who we are or what we do now and in the future. It’s knowing that we have conscious choices about how we will handle day-to-day struggles or larger adversity both now and in the future. It’s knowing we can start over and start new with each decision we make or action we take. The choice is ours.

This doesn’t mean every day and all relationships are navigated perfectly. After all, it is a practice. There are times I make less than ideal decisions or choices about how I handle certain situations. I am far from perfect and there are times when I need to recalibrate my focus and energy towards earning my reputation in whatever it is I am trying to accomplish.

I was most recently reminded of this fact this past week, while in the middle of writing this essay. I’ve been training Brazilian jiu jitsu for a little more than 7 years now. This past week, our school had its annual belt promotion testing day. It was my hopeful belief, based on 2.5 years at the same belt level, my technique improvement and comments from some of the instructors, that I would be promoted to the next belt level. However, after almost 3 hours of drilling and sparring, when it came time to announce who would be advanced in rank, I was not called.

I’d be lying if I downplayed my disappointment. If you train any martial art, especially BJJ, you know how special a belt promotion is. You know that promotion means your hard work and dedication have been recognized and acknowledged and that you’ve achieved a benchmark in your training that others look up to and aspire to reach. And to not receive the promotion, for me, was an abject failure. Especially because some of my training partners and friends were promoted ahead of me.

Despite what I write here about looking at life as a practice and not as winning or losing, I faced a hard gut check about what it feels like to not accomplish a goal you so desperately wanted to reach and think you deserve.

And so I was disappointed, upset and embarrassed. And I found myself crawling into a dark hole of self-doubt, self-questioning and wallowing in my own pity. None of the consoling words from my training partners, friends, wife and sons helped change my perspective.

Finally, several hours later, after a fitful night’s sleep, I took some time to quietly sit with my feelings and reflect on what had happened. And I thought about this uncompleted essay. And I realized what I needed to do. I needed to practice what I was writing.

I needed to accept the fact that I wasn’t promoted, even though I didn’t have to like it (“acceptance not acquiescence”), and I needed to re-start the process of earning my reputation as someone worthy of being promoted to the next belt level. Not being promoted to the next belt level showed me that I could not be complacent in how much I had improved or how hard I had trained. I’ve clearly got things to work on in my BJJ game and something to show to myself and others. Each BJJ class will be an opportunity for me to earn my reputation, to myself and others, as a worthy and skilled BJJ practitioner.

In addition, I will work harder to earn my reputation as someone committed to my overall fitness and health. That will help not only with my overall wellbeing and jiu jitsu, but also serve as an example for others around me who might need encouragement that we can take control of our personal health destiny.

I no longer see not being promoted as a failure (although it still stings). It is an opportunity to reset and recalibrate my focus and energy into improving who I am and how I respond to difficult situations. Do I give up or do I rise up? Do I roll over or do I earn my reputation and prove to myself that I am someone with resilience?

If my wife, boys, or anyone else were to ask me for advice and what choice to make, I know I’d encourage them to rise up and respond with resilience. So I should do the same and earn my reputation as someone they can look up to and respect. And tomorrow, I’ll do it all over again. Because that is the practice of life.

Be well.